It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
