She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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