she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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