That's intense
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
