Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
