scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
