Buhtt sex?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
