Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
