His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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