she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
