They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
