We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
