Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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