Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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