She is in my trunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
