Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
