And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
