i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize