She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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