Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
