I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
