Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
