Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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