theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize