Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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