Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
