You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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