I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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