the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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