hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
