another moral hangover. fuck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
