Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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