how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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