11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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