Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize