I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
