I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize