So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
