I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
