bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
