I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
