oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize