and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Enjoy the penises
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
