i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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