I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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