She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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