so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
