I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
