I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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