Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize