Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
