oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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