Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
