this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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