next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
