I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
