Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
