Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize