dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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