Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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