it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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