Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
