I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
