My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
