That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we're so committed to being not committed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize