i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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