Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
