How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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