I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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