Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize