check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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