Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just puked most of my soul out..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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