Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
