the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
