Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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