Pants 0. Shit 1.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
