I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
