after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
