ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
