How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
