First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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