Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
