FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
