I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
