Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize