non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
