remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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