If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize