Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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