I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize