im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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