i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
