I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
