i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
