i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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