I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
