Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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