Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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