The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize