Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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