you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
