when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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