My room smells like vodka and shame
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
