I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
